1/28/2017

pre fostering anxiety dump

Our time in Battle Ground, Washington has been filled with settling in, pouring ourselves into a new office with new challenges and so much room for growth. Our other focus has been licensing for foster care. There have been many hours of training and interviewing and paperwork and preparing for the ever intimidating home inspection. This process has been just as involved and long as we expected, and now that we are so near the end, estimated only about a week or two away from being licensed foster parents the anxiety and sleepless nights are nestling deep into my muscles and my bones, deep into my chest. In a week or two or whatever indeterminate amount of time we will meet a little soul (or two) who has faced so much trauma in their short lives, the latest of which being buckled into a carseat and taken home by strangers for who knows how long. The people who have loved them will have so much fear and anger, and even though we only want to care and love and provide safety for their sweetheart through a scary time, we will be the focus of their rage. We are, after all, the ones who strapped their baby in a carseat and drove away. The best way to create a healthy environment for the child will be to have a good relationship with the people who care for them in their lives. The anxiety of overcoming the initial feelings and hurt seems insurmountable.
Will we care for a boy or a girl? Will they be a baby or a toddler or a small child? Will they bring their sibling with them? What are they living through right at this moment as I type this? What is happening to them to bring them to our home in the first place? Are they hungry? Are they scared? Are they happy? Are they lonely? Are they hurt? Are they unaware? Oh, please God, please be with them. Please carry them through, please cover them with a blanket of comfort and protection and shield them from the horrible things happening in this world. ... but I know this prayer is in vain, because I know without these unimaginable things they would not be ripped from their world and placed in our home. So please, God, please give them strength; and please, God, please don't leave their side. Even, and especially, as they come into our arms.