8/09/2011

lemon juice and beer


I don't know how to explain this story—I don't even know where to begin. So I'll just tell you the end.

As I was drying off from my swim yesterday a guy dumped lemon juice and beer on my head. Then he poured organic coconut oil in my hand to rub on my legs to make them beautifully tan.

Yes he was sane. Yes he was sober.

I just remember covering my eyes a bit and rubbing the beer from them as well as my mouth—which had hung open in shock in the event of an acquaintance telling me he was going to pour the magic bleaching mixture on my head.

Jason asked if he needed to "pound some skulls".
Better not—this guy was mid 40s, pretty buff, bleached hair, very tan and knows karate.

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Full story:  It was a beautiful day and almost no one at the pool—perfect for a great exercise (i.e. laps back and forth, running in the water which is actually great exercise, mixed with lots and lots of diving for my bright colored torpedos that I and every other 3 yr old in the complex owns).

Near the end of my swim a guy who had been laying by the pool talking on his cell phone gets in for a dip and starts some friendly chatter. I quickly mention my husband to make up for the lack of ring on my finger and he continues on with the light conversation as I tread water. He asks where I'm from. Idaho. He asks if I'm Mormon. Yes. He says he knows some Mormons—some that are really strict and some that aren't. I was confused. They drink coffee and alcohol. Oh, yeah I guess you could say that's not very strict. He asks what I do. I'm a photographer, you? He says he's a teacher. What do you teach? Karate, professional fighting, that sort of thing. Then he does some pull-ups on the metal handles by the stairs out of the deep end. Yeeks. We chat a bit more, he gets out, I finish my swim, do another dive or two (because diving's my favorite) and go to the other side of the pool where my chair/towel are.

As I'm reading and letting myself dry a bit before I head back to the apartment some friends come to the pool. We say hi, a friend sits on the chair next to me helping her little girl slip on some floaties, I continue reading. I'm soon interrupted by tan karate man putting a tall plastic cup of something by my face. "It's beer and lemon juice." I was confused. He knows I don't drink right? I'm one of those "strict" ones. "For your hair. You put it on your hair. I've got this left, don't wanna throw it out, it's great for your hair. It'll make your hair lighter, it's what I use (from his bleached hair I suspected he also used some form of peroxide too)" I shake my head, No thanks. "Here. Here. It's great, great for your hair, helps the sun to bleach it nice and light. Here. I don't want to waste this last bit. Here. Here." I reluctantly hold out my hand in dismay. He pours some in my palm, I slowly bring it to the top of my head. "No, let's just pour it on. That'll be better. Here I'll just pour it on your head. Ok? K. I'll just pour it on your head here." Too stunned to say anything or do anything I sit there as I feel liquid trickle down my scalp, cheeks and shoulders. I blink my eyes and look at my friends around me and their amazed faces.

What in the (insert word of choice here) just happened?

I wipe my eyes and the corner of my mouth where the beer/lemon juice had seeped down.

Next thing I know he is holding a smaller bottle, twisting off the cap "This is oil. Organic coconut oil, imported from (somewhere, I don't remember) put it on your legs and they will tan beautifully. Here. Here." The oil is poured into my hand and I put it on my legs as he straightens up and walks away and through the gate.

A lady I don't know gets out of the pool and says, "Oh how sweet...... is he a friend of yours?"
"No. I just met him."
"You just met him when he dumped beer on your head."

Thoroughly stunned I sit there, eyes sort of glazed over, hands oily and beer dripping from the tips of my hair.

"Uh-ha."

21 comments:

Breezie said...

I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or sit here stunned....but OH MY...Why would? How? Yeah...I don't have any words!

Christy said...

I'll just ditto what "Breezie" said. Yikes!

Ashley Aikele said...

hahaha. I love stories like this. And when they happen to you its like, what?...WOW. REALLY? All I can say is too bad you aren't single cuz he sounds like a keeper. California will shake a girl up, wouldn't you say?

the hawker's said...

bahaha!!! i am laughing my face off right now!!! literally laughing it off!!! well, not literally, but it's the best laugh i've had all week!!! haha! totally imagined the whole thing in my head! you're a good sport! haha! what in the heck is wrong with that man??!

Brett and Kimberly said...

Haha, I'm so glad I was there to witness this awesome moment. Too weird and awkward and hilarious.

lauren said...

two things...


AWKWARD....

and


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Julia Warren said...

No. Freaking. Way! I can seriously imagine you with the crazy dude, reluctantly holding out your hand. What a great story to tell for years to come...

Chris said...

That is such a strange story. No matter how buff tanned pull up boy is, I think Jason should dump something on his head!

Whitney Marie said...

I can not believe this, but I can just imagine the look on your face you poor thing!

the h fam. said...

hahahahahahahahaha....still laughing. ben just had to make sure i was okay. i LOVE awkward moments and stories. this is so funny and that it happened to you is some how even funnier! hahahaha thanks for sharing! i need to stop laughing i'm going to pee my pants!

McKenzie said...

Oh Geri! THAT is a great story!

Audrey said...

That is freakin crazy! And HILARIOUS! I kept thinking what I would do in that situation...and I don't have a clue! Probs just wonder why there is BEER in my HAIR! hahahaha!

Dawn said...

Love it!! You are such a good story teller I felt like I was the lady sitting next to you. I'm still shocked that happened to you. lets pray you don't run into him again. :)

Cassie said...

You made an awesome new friend! Good for you. And this one is strong and can kung-fu people if you need him to. He can also help you with your in-between hair before your next color. I've been looking for a friend this good all my life!


I'd of of loved to see the faces of your friends sitting there watching/hearing this whole thing go down. ha!

Lucy said...

How are your highlights anyway? One weird guy....and karate guys are probably scary, so be careful.

Brooke Cushman said...

That was a really cute funny story!

Some people have no fear don't they!?!

Becca's Blog said...

Geri I don't think he was sane nor sober...sounds like a crazy dude on drugs to me.

But, I guess sometimes weird situations just happen...like the time I ended up having to rub Bengay on an 80 year old woman I met at our hotel in Belize. It's a long story. And it was weird. Really weird.

ashley said...

i would insert my word of choice "hell" right there. seriously what was he thinking????

mandyface said...

Lady, that is a good story! Are you tanner and beach blondier now? Cuz that is the purpose of life ya know.

Lindsey said...

Wow, wasn't he helpful? He really didn't want to waste that last bit of beer. Awesome, awesome story!

Catherine said...

I'm cracking up. That is too much to handle!! It sounds absolutely mortifying!

PS: You are a great story teller, I can always picture exactly what you are describing/writing. :)